control

so i've been a bitchy, sobbing, snappy mess for a good chunk of the last few months, and it's time i just get a grip and take control of the situation.

when i woke up yesterday morning, i told myself that i was, from that moment on, going to make a large effort to calm the hell down and stop being SO stressed about the wedding. I'm a little over 24 hours into it, and i'm not sure how well i'm doing, but i can say that i haven't blown up at anyone over anything today (and believe me - there were moments of biting my tongue and mentally counting to ten and all that crap), and i've only cried once (this might not seem that impressive to you, but i typically cry over something trivial at least 3 times a day. ha.) and the crying, for the record, was completely unrelated to the wedding...

i'm feeling better. more hopeful, i guess. more like everything really IS going to be fine. i never envisioned myself ever getting THIS worked up over a wedding, but i have - but it seems like with each day, a new task is completed, and with it, a little stress is relieved. there are still tiny, trivial things that are finding ways to grate on my nerves, but i keep reminding myself that they will work out as well....

part of what's helping is that we've done some exciting things the last few days - for one, we ordered our wedding bands! nothing says pressure like picking out the accessory that you have to love enough to wear every day for the rest of your life with EVERYTHING, but we both made our decisions pretty quickly - the one i chose is the one that was designed to go with my engagement ring (the only decision i really had to make was to have diamonds halfway around or all the way around - i went with halfway....), and gene has pretty much had his ring picked out for months....and while spending that much money in that short of a time is enough to make your head spin, i suppose it's worth it....

we picked out the suits for the groosmen/ushers last week as well - this is something that's been a big stress to me, because i felt like the wedding was coming so quickly, and we still didn't have a suit picked out, so it was a pretty big relief to get it off my shoulders and off my mind - it literally took 10 minutes to pick them out, so i guess maybe i shouldn't have been such a spaz about it, but who knew it would be THAT easy? i mean, it took months of looking for bridesmaids dresses before i found one that didn't make me want to puke, and even longer to find one that i thought would work for the wedding....apparently suits are pretty generic....

we finished up our registries. finally. a month or so ago, we registered at all the typical places - bed, bath and beyond, dillards, williams sonoma....but there are a few stores in my hometown that have bridal registry, and i hadn't quite made it around to all of them to set registries up, but we got it done. gene seemed totally uninterested in the registry process (except when we were at williams sonoma....the $600 espresso machine on the registry? thats ALL gene.....), but i suppose that's the norm for guys. He seemed more concerned about where we are going to PUT all the stuff we get.....i mean, let's be honest - we live in 1,100 square feet with minimal storage space....not much room for extra stuff.....but i have to keep reminding him that someday we WILL have more room, and that the stuff we register for isn't necessarily for right this second - it's stuff you'll use for years - some of it forever....and until then we will just, uh....store it....at my mom's house. HA!

engagement pictures were supposed to happen last week - some unfortunate, unavoidable crap happened, and we had to reschedule for this thursday - in the grand scheme of things its not a HUGE deal, but still kind of an irritating set back....i did get some beyond awesome shoes for them though, so i'm pretty excited about that....

speaking of shoes....this is something that's been on my mind for like, a year - even before i bought my dress, i was worried about finding the perfect shoe - i've gone from one end of the spectrum to another, and i have been to dozens of stores and looked at thousands of shoes....after a lot of disappointment of not finding something that was "just right," i finally found my wedding shoes - check out these beauties:

THIS is my wedding shoe! it took a freaking miracle to find them in THAT color in MY size, but it all worked out and they came in and are fabulous - the only concern i had was that they might make me taller than my dad (they are 4 inches tall!), making our walk down the aisle kind of awkward, but luckily they don't - i'm more excited about my shoes than just about anything....

i've also decided that midway through the reception, i'll probably change into a different (short, but still white (or maybe a very muted pink...) and sorta bridal) dress - mostly because i figure that after being in the dress for half the day, i'll be exhausted and hot....i realize that a lot of people will find this to be crazy because, after all, you only get to wear a wedding gown once in your life, but i have pretty fond memories of feeling that way about my prom dresses and then literally counting down the seconds until i could change into something else - let's be honest - wedding gowns are beautiful, wonderful things, but they are not designed for comfort.....i'd kinda like to close out my reception at least sort of comfortable, and definitely able to go pee without having someone help me in and out of the stall, or having someone hold my skirt up over my head.....of course, this presents the stress of finding another dress, but whatever....i think i can handle it....maybe. possibly.

so for the first time in a while, there's some positivity from me. i'm gonna try my hardest to keep bridezilla down as much and for as long as i can.... emphasis on the word "try".....just kinda got to keep reminding myself that this is supposed to be fun, and to keep my eye on the important things....as hard as it might be and as cloudy as it all gets sometimes.....

they should seriously make pills for this.