Friday, February 22, 2013

Hey, baby.

Sometime during the beginning of Fall, we had the "baby" discussion.  A conscious decision was made to start trying for one, but I just assumed, with all the time I've been on birth control, that it would take my body a while to get back to it's regular routine (if it even remembered what it's "regular routine" was...).  I was prepared for lots of months, maybe a year of trying,  and I was comfortable with that idea, so imagine my surprise when my uterus had other plans.

Just a mere month and a half into being birth control free, weird things started happening.  I'll spare you the details of most of them, but the one that stood out to me the most - in fact, the one thing that made me go home and immediately take a test (okay, I took 3 tests), was when I was standing in an exam room at work, smelled a drop of blood on the other side of the room, and gagged.  My boss jokingly looked up and said "oh, you're pregnant...." - a few hours later, I found out he was right.

The 28 minute drive from work to home has never seemed longer.  I sat there behind the wheel of my car silently freaking out. How on earth could I ALREADY be pregnant? I told myself there was no way there could be a person growing inside me already, and that all these little things I'd noticed were just weird side effects of coming off birth control and ovulating for the first time in who knows when.......It was blowing my mind that my uterus could just bounce back like that - I mean,  I know I couldn't get something right on the first try after years and years of NOT doing it....

I came home and, took a test, and sat through what felt like the longest 3 minutes of my life.  It's amazing how many questions you can ask yourself in 3 minutes.  By the time the word "pregnant" popped up on the screen, I'd already worked myself into a frenzy over where to send the kid to school (British or American school on base?), combed over all the things I'd done since I could have gotten pregnant that could have been "bad" for baby (those 3 glasses of wine at the Christmas party, lifting weights), and almost hyperventilated over the thought of paying for college (maybe they will get a bunch of scholarships?!?!?), AM I READY FOR THIS? (of course you're ready for this....aren't you? yes, you are....wait, ARE you?).  I couldn't believe it when I saw the result. I mean, obviously I'm not an idiot and knew it was perfectly possible, but I just couldn't believe it was happening so quickly.  I walked into the living room where Gene was sitting in a chair in front of the t.v., playing soccer on the XBox, and I just said "you're not going to believe this....."

over the course of the next few hours, I took two more tests. Of course, they both confirmed the results of the first one. (Later, when I talked to the nurse who eventually confirmed the pregnancy, she asked "why on earth did you take that many tests? False positives don't really happen....") Once the panic went away, I felt this weird rush of giddiness and amazement that this little thing was living and growing inside me, and I laughed when I thought to myself how impatient this kid must already be, showing up so soon.....just like it's mom, really.

Of course, I knew my pregnancy wasn't "official" until I had it confirmed by a doctor.  I went the next morning to try to get a test, only to find the office to be closed (super frustrating, but seriously typical for how my life goes).  The day after that, which happened to be my birthday, I got to take the test, and a few hours later, a nurse called me at work, sang Happy Birthday to me, and then told me I was going to be a mom.  And I cried. like an idiot. A silly, hormonal idiot.

I'm just a couple of days shy of 13 weeks now, which is heading into the second trimester.  It's been an exciting time so far - I've had a car wreck during some snow/ice during which I thought to myself "way to go Chuck! you've gone and broken the baby already!" (we were both fine, obviously, and a bonus was getting to hear the heartbeat in the ER - not exactly the ideal scenario for getting to hear your little one's heart for the first time, but it sure eased my mind), random bouts of morning sickness (I seriously carry my toothbrush around with me most of the time, because it just sneaks up on me - nothing like being mid-sentence in a conversation with a coworker and just going "sorry, I have to go puke"), lots of fun hip pain (which I've read is normal, but walking around like a grandma who just had a hip replaced isn't very cool), and all sorts of weird stuff with food, the worst being a serious aversion to chicken.  I crave taco bell at least twice a week, and although I'm trying to be careful with my caffeine intake, I've never wanted soda so badly in my life.  And beer. I'd love to have a beer right now.

I had my first ultrasound, and was so surprised to see that this little thing inside me already looked so much like a person - it danced around like a maniac (wonder where it got THAT from?) and I just absolutely fell in love.  From that moment, I've felt such an amazing connection to this little person, and it literally consumes my life.  I'm trying to read the books, do the research, sign up for the classes....anything I can do to be better prepared. Every weird pain or abnormal feeling I get sends me running to message boards and books trying to make sure all is normal with this baby. It's overwhelming and little bit terrifying, if I'm honest.  It's easy to forget that there was a time when google didn't exist, and What To Expect When You're Expecting hadn't been published.....I suppose all this is normal, especially in the first pregnancy.

Mini Chuck, Y'all!!!!

I don't know if this is socially acceptable, but I'm far away from home, and most of you who read this are people I'd show this to if I saw you in person, so here is a little snippet of my ultrasound.  The midwife was nice enough to let us video the whole thing, which was about 6 or 7 minutes, but this part is one of my favorite bits. The snorting, squeaking, and squealing woman in the background is me - I was somewhere in between laughing and crying the whole time, so every noise I make is me trying to suppress something so I wouldn't mess up the ultrasound, since every time I laughed too much or cried a little, baby seemed to disappear.  I think he or she is going to be a really good dancer.....Anyway, it was shot on an iPhone, so It's not the BEST quality, but IF you're interested, here it is....

more updates soon, I promise....and I mean it this time, y'all!