Thursday, June 7, 2012

Hot Child in the City, er, village.....

I grew up in the Delta. The-scorching-hot-summers-with-the-kind-of-humidity-that-makes-you-want-to-shave-your-head-just-so-you-don't-have-to-deal-with-the-nightmarish-frizziness-and-looks-of-pity part of the South.  From spring until mid-fall, the heat is almost suffocating, and if I could have lived the entire span of my residence in Arkansas indoors during every month aside from that nice, cool span between December and February, I probably would have. I'm NOT an "outside" person.  I don't like to sweat unless it's on purpose.  I don't like the feeling that I need a bath just because I walked from my house to the car in 90%  humidity.  But you learn to deal with it. You start to accept it. You give in and you go out anyway, and you try to pretend that you're just going for a "curly" look that day, and try to make yourself believe that you aren't "sweating," but just "glistening" (cause that's what southern ladies do...amIright???)

When we got the news we were moving to England, I had lots of emotions, but one really, really positive thing I thought was "I CAN HAVE NORMAL HAIR IN THE SUMMER" - true, my hair is totally fine in this weather (hardly any humidity, WOOP WOOP!), but as with most stuff, every positive has a negative.

America may have screwed up on SOME things (I'm talking to you, ready made sandwiches from gas stations - take a note from the british and class it up a bit, y'all), but they did get ONE thing correct as HELL:


Why, for the sake of everything holy, do these people not think air conditioning is a necessity? As I type this, I'm in my living room, sweating my hypothetical balls off, counting the outlets just to see how many fans I can cram in here. I realize that opening windows is a seemingly easy solution to this, but guess what? I live in ENGLAND where, for the last 4 days, it's rained almost constantly, therefore making it a potential mess to keep our windows open.  Also, much of the time opening the windows doesn't even help THAT much. Right now, I should be asleep, but I dread the thought of laying down in that stuffy room, in a puddle of chuck sweat.  I'm one of those weirdos who can't sleep without at least a sheet over me, and since I'm currently living in a sweat lodge, it makes even the sheet unbearable, and I just lay there for hours wondering why on earth the house here don't have AC. The kicker? IT'S NOT EVEN THAT HOT HERE. right now, it's 60 degrees, but this house has to be well into the mid-upper 70's, and it's STUFFY. There's not even air conditioning at WORK, which means I spend all day sweating during exams/surgeries, etc. - (though lately, clients opening and closing the door up front does make it much cooler up front).  I feel like I'm stuck in a sauna that I can't get out of.

I'm going home to the sticky, hot, humid-as-all-get-out Delta in two weeks, and I've heard a lot about how hot it is there,but I don't care. Hair be damned, y'all!  but honestly, all I can think about (aside from hugging my family) is running up the stairs to my bedroom and cranking up the AC

get ready for a constant 68 degrees blowing through your house, mom and dad. I suggest you find your Snuggies....