the dress - this post is NSFG (not safe for gene. ha.)

I have an appointment at Low's in brinkley on the 21st of this month to look for dresses - I actually made the appointment over a month ago, and to be honest, I've been on the verge of hyperventilation about it ever since. Dress shopping makes me nervous and anxious like nothing else I can think of - even more than the guest list! It's not something I've been looking forward to at all, which makes me like, the strangest bride to be on earth.

Since i got engaged, whenever i run into someone that i havent seen in a while, the first thing they ask is "what does your dress look like?" - when i tell them "oh, i don't know - thats really the last thing on my mind, and I haven't started looking yet," i get this look of horrified puzzlement and i can almost see the wheels turning in their head as they calculate how many months it is until my wedding day. trust me, y'all, i'm well aware that the clock is ticking. loudly. right in my freaking ear.

if i'm being honest, i've always had these elaborate dreams of wearing a vera wang on my wedding day. most specifically, THIS vera wang:

ahhh. the vera wang diana.....this picture has been on my fridge since days after i got engaged - i see it in magazines and scream.....there is a girl on a bridal message board who bought this, and i don't even know her and i hate her guts.....unfortunately for me, this dress is way over any amount that i feel comfortable spending on a wedding dress - and believe me, i've seriously considered it - i've even figured out ways i could actually afford it, but i've grown to be much more reasonable than to drop that much money on something i'd wear one time. I know myself well enough to know that if i did find it, try it on, love it and buy it, that even though i'd be happy, 3 months after the fact i'd think "wow, i could have done so much stuff with the money i spent on that dress that is now preserved in a box in the top of a closet at my mom's house" - I realize that wedding dresses are expensive, but some of her designs go above and beyond the span of a reasonable dress budget, and when you factor in a veil and alterations and shoes....its enough to make your head spin....so i gave up my vera wang fantasy, and i've focused on finding something i can not only afford, but also not feel guilty about.

so a couple of weeks ago, i had to go to helena for just a few hours one day - on the way there i got this overwhelming urge to try on wedding dresses - like something was pushing me towards a bridal salon - Low's is just an hour away from where my parents live, right between helena and little rock, so i called my mom to see if she could take of a few hours of the afternoon and go look with me - she said she could, so i called Low's and they fit me in.

i say they "fit me in" but really, i was the only freaking person in the place...not that it's relevant.....

i didn't go in with the intention of finding "the dress" or even to buy anything that day - i fully intended (and still do) to keep my appointment on the 21st. This visit was simply to help me break through the anxiety, and to maybe get an idea of what direction i'd like to go in.

we walked in and i had to fill out some silly little form, and then the consultant came out to greet us. i say "greet," but really it was more of a "hi, my name is _______.....whats your budget? okay, lets go" followed by an ushering up the stairs. i wasn't really given a chance to explain what i liked or what i thought i might be looking for, but i didn't really have much time to object or interject, so i just went with it - (overall the experience was lackluster and not what i expected at all, but thats a whole other post - at the time i thought "well, this isn't my real appointment anyway, but later i realized that THEY didn't know that....but i digress) the minute we hit the top of the stairs, i saw this horrid $5,200 creation that was extremely low cut in the front and looked like someone slaughtered a stark white parrot and then glued its feathers all over their wedding gown along with a million little crystals, except on the giant slit in the front (who has a slit in their wedding gown??? and i made some sarcastic remark about it looking like something a lounge singer who works part time as a stripper would wear, which the consultant didn't hear, or at least pretended not to), and then right next to it was this little number:

i took the next picture in the dressing room when the consultant was off doing something else - you aren't supposed to take pictures, but i saw the opportunity and i took it - i think i was actually wearing some god awful mermaid-esque glitter bomb explosion when i took this photo....or maybe i was in the one that i said looked like wilma flinstone...i can't remember, but it's not important anyway....

i jokingly said to my mom "HEY. THATS MY DRESS!" and so the consultant took it off its little display thing and put it in a dressing room for me to try on. of course, its a tiny sample size, and i'm totally NOT a tiny sample size, but it fit well enough for me to see that its incredible and i love it. not to mention, it's price tag is way below what i'd initially expected to spend on a dress, so thats a bonus. it's everything i'd said i wanted - simple, comfortable, classic, and not stark white. AND IT HAS POCKETS.

however, as i stood there, i thought "seriously, this is the first dress you've tried on. this can't be "IT" - so i tried on a few more, and i tried on a wide variety - lots of sparkle, giant princess skirts, ones with sleeves.... but stayed completely fixated on this dress, and i've remained completely fixated on it for the last, what, two weeks.....I'll look through magazines to see if i can find anything better, and when i think i have, i just grab my phone and look at this picture, and i'm back on this dresses team.

I've had at least one conversation a day with my mom about this dress since i tried it on (i'm certain i'm about to drive her crazy about it), and her advice to me is some that i'm definitely taking - I'm going to visit a couple of places around here in little rock and try on other dresses before my appointment at Low's on the 21st. that way there will be no shoppers remorse, and i won't spend time wondering if i would have found something better if i'd just kept looking. maybe i will find something better, but for now, this is IT for me, and it's a weird comfort to know that its there waiting when i'm ready to make the decision, and knowing that it exists is going to make any other dress shopping a lot less stressful.....and i can't help thinking how funny it will be if the dress i choose is the very first one i tried on...