runnin'

if you know me, you know that i'm not particularly athletic. now, don't get me wrong, i'm not the MOST un-athletic person you'll ever meet (i'm looking at you, britain's fattest man), but if you gave me a choice between doing something to physically exert myself and sitting on my couch watching sex and the city reruns, i'm choosing carrie and mr. big every time.

i've dabbled in athletic stuff in the past - i played a little softball in junior high/high school (i sucked), i was on the track team for 3 years (i ran one leg in ONE relay at each track meet, and spent the rest of the time sitting on a blanket in the grass "cheering" on my teammates, aka flirting with dudes from other schools), and there was a little cheerleading my senior year, but i was just kind of mediocre at that. a few years ago, i worked out with a trainer 3 times a week for the better part of a year (which honestly, i really, really loved), but then eventually got busy with life and lost the time for and interest in that as well. i've had my periods of time where for months i'd be sort of obsessed with going to the gym, only to get sidetracked by whatever excuses i could come up with. oh, and once, when i was about 15, i jumped out of a window with my friend and ran for probably a mile and half through a lightly wooded area in the dark to meet the guy her parents had forbidden to see....THAT was pretty athletic! not to mention, i'm clumsy, and aside from choreographed danced routines, i'm pretty uncoordinated.

about 6 months ago, i decided i'd try this couch to 5k thing that i constantly see people talking about on facebook. every single day someone new is starting it, or someone has just finished it, or someone is asking about it, and i thought to myself "if ALL these people are doing it, then maybe it's not awful" - i downloaded an app for my phone, and made a deal in my head of when i'd start, and then got distracted by something else (moving, marriage, cupcakes, something shiny in the corner.....), and completely forgot about it. lately, there's been another increase in people starting the program and talking about it on facebook (maybe it's the warmer weather?) so a couple of weeks ago, i thought about it again, and decided that i'd do it. for real.

i got a new pair of running shoes (really good ones, apparently), and once they came in, i was ready to start - unfortunately, i got sidetracked for about a week and a half because i clumsily jacked my knee up, but yesterday, i finally got around to starting.

(if you're unfamiliar with the program, you can read more about it HERE )

first of all, let me say that of ALL exercises on earth, running/jogging are my least favorite. i've never been really good at it, because i'm one of those people that, if i'm doing something that hurts or makes me unable to breathe easily and comfortably, i panic and i stop. when i used to work out with a trainer, i almost got over this completely, but i think it's because there was so much structure to what we were doing, so i knew that if i could just get through 2 minutes of this, or finish 10 reps of that, that i'd be able to stop. for me, running has always seemed to be just a free for all of pain and discomfort. so again, for me to decide on my own to do anything that would require me to eventually run, knowing the pain and discomfort that i've always associated with it, is a totally bizarre move. but i've noticed in the last few years that EVERYONE is running. people who i know, for a fact, have felt the same way about running in the past as i do, are running on a regular basis and they seem to enjoy it. when we go out socially, someone at some point mentions running. running is the fitness equivalent to the new hollywood "it" girl. running is the new black.

but reading about this program, it sounds completely reasonable and doable. it seems like ANYONE should be able to accomplish at least the first week of it with no problem, and just naturally progress until you're able to actually run a decent distance with no problem. i like that there is structure and a routine to it, and it's not just "hey, dude, run!" - and i love the app for the iPhone that goes with it, because it essentially makes it idiot proof, and gives you your "walk" and "run" prompts. before i got started, i read a bunch of reviews to see how people handled the first day, week, etc.....so that if i completely blew it, i wouldn't be discouraged. it helped to find out multiple points of view and hear about different experiences, but i knew that my first day would be unique.

gene was nice enough (aka has to log work out hours for work) to do this with me. he has no problem running, so i figured this would be sort of boring for him, just kind of jogging slowly beside me and hearing me bitch nonstop about how much it sucked, but whatever. yesterday was our first day, so we set out through this trail that winds behind and then through the neighborhoods in our little town. the warm up was, of course, easy, but i had so much anxiety built up about failing that i could hardly function. after about five minutes, the program prompted us to "run" (or jog, in my case), and for the next sixty seconds, i actually thought "this isn't so bad" - this cycle repeated 9 times over the next 30 minutes or so, and by the time we were halfway through, i was wondering what the fuck i thought i was getting myself into, and, while listening to gwen stefani chanting to "hollaback girl" in my head phones, actually said to myself "you're right, Gwen. this shit IS bananas" - there were moments that i wanted to be like "fuck this," and i did a little more walking that i'm sure they intend for you to (obviously i KNOW it was more than they intended since they break it down for you and shit), but i still finished. when we got done, i was exhausted, and in what i assume to be a normal amount of pain. my legs felt like they had bricks that someone had just shoved in a fire attached to them - all heavy and hot. i immediately drank a ton of water, popped some aleve, and sat down to reflect on what i'd just done. i wanted to feel more proud, but really, i was just in a state of exhausted shock, i think because despite what i'd read to prepare myself, it was much more difficult than i'd anticipated, and i hated myself for being so "bad" at it. on this little app for the iPhone, there's a "journal" where you can put in how you felt after each day - yesterday i selected a frowny face icon for "how i felt," and in the "how was your run?" section, i just typed one word: BULLSHIT.

i wondered if it would have been easier had we just gone to the track on base and run on a flat surface - the terrain we were working with was an uneven dirt path followed by concrete sidewalk that was uphill for about half a mile. probably not the best choice, but i like to think i got a little more of a workout that way.

after a little while passed, i started to realize that i actually (despite being sore and tired) felt really good. like the way you feel after you get a giant adrenaline rush. i don't know if it was some sort of sense of accomplishment, or my body's reaction to actually being anywhere BUT the couch, but i dug it. the last time i remember feeling like that was when the trainer i used to work out with used to bring out the boxing gloves and pads and just let me punch at him for a few minutes at the end of each session. anyway, i slept pretty well, but today when i woke up, i was really, really sore (everywhere - not just my legs) - in the past, the only way i knew to get soreness to ease up was to stretch a little and then go out and do something else physical, and since we are only supposed to run every other day, i just opted to go out for a walk today instead, and it helped immensely. tomorrow we run again, and i'm a little nervous, but i think i'll do better this time.

i'm going to stay positive about it, and keep at it. right now it's not exactly fun, easy, or something i enjoy, but from what i've read from others, it eventually turns into those things. on top of everything else, i've gone and written a blog entry about it, which puts it out there that i've started it, and sort of forces me to be accountable for it. see what i did there? forcing accountability. niiiiiiiice.

i don't know if, even if i complete the program and CAN run a 5k (without passing out dead in the street - fingers crossed!), i'll even ever enter one. that's not really what it's about for me, i guess. i'm sure as i go on in the program, my view on that will change, but for now i'm just keeping my goals at getting through the next day.....

don't fail me, legs!