runnin' (part two)

so i should be starting my third week of the couch to 5k program, but there's been a little "hitch in my giddy up," so to speak.  for a while, things were going well.  really well, actually. i'd even started to look forward to my "run" days, but then thursday, everything went to hell.

i had just reached the halfway point in the workout, and i was feeling all full of myself,  when my left leg decided it wasn't really into the whole idea of jogging/running (i actually think i heard a voice in my head say "SCREW THIS! I'M OUT!"), and seriously, the sharpest, gnarliest pain i can ever remember feeling shot through my knee, and it took the breath right out of me.  i stop jogging and went back to walking thinking "this will work itself out in a second," and it did ease up just enough for it to be tolerable. then, in an idiotic act of "i'm not gonna be a quitter" rage (no pain, no gain, right? RIGHT?!?!?!),  i did something that was probably pretty stupid: i finished the last 10 minutes, and attempted to jog as much as i could when it prompted me to.  i'd only get about 2/3 of the way through each jog part before the pain would get to be too much and i'd have to stop and go back to walking.  i thought to myself "it will be better after i rest it tomorrow," but here i am, now 4 days later, and it's getting worse by the day.

i did a little research and found that this is a common problem (i've read that it's called "runner's knee," which is comical, since i'm not really a "runner" - it's like being the kid who goes swimming ONCE in the summer, wearing floaties and ear plugs and somehow wakes up with "swimmer's ear" - however, runner's knee is much worse than swimmer's ear ever dreamed of being (and i know, because now i've had both) - runner's knee is swimmer's ear's bigger, bitchier, meaner cousin who needs to wax her mustache, and will kick anyone's ass who even looks at her funny.)  i needed some guidance, so i emailed my brother (who IS a runner), and he agreed that it sounded like runner's knee, and he gave me a shit load of stretches to do, some tips to build up my leg strength, and other various advice, all of which i'm very grateful for, and plan to put into action....as soon as i can move my fucking leg.

i keep ice on it at various times throughout the day, as advised by my brother and multiple other running sites with articles about the issue (these are my happiest times of day, when my knee is so numb from the cold that i can't feel a damn thing, and seriously start to feel like i can riverdance), and i'm constantly looking at the clock to see when i can take another dose of ibuprofen, even though i don't feel like it's doing anything.  i rest as much as i possibly can. the joke here is that the more i sit still, the worse it hurts, and i can barely walk, so i can't really win in this scenario.  i limp around like a crazy person. i feel like everyone that has seen me out in public in the last 3 or 4 days thinks i'm defective. old men with canes are walking around like thoroughbred race horses compared to me.  it takes me 4 times as long to get up or down the stairs in our house.  earlier today, i needed something from our bedroom, and i seriously stood at the base of the stairs and starting tearing up at the thought of going up them.  the only time aside from the 15 minute intervals in which i freeze my kneecap that i find any relief is when i'm sitting in a bathtub full of hot water, but obviously, i can't sit in a bathtub all day long. i've woken up the last 4 mornings and laid in bed mentally preparing myself for the pain that would come from the pressure of my left foot hitting the floor for the first time.  sometimes it feels like my leg just wants to snap off at the knee cap, and i'd almost help it to do so if it meant less pain.

i've tried not to be whiny, but i can't help it.  it's discouraging to have a set back like this so early into the process, especially since i actually WANT to do this.  i told myself last night before i went to sleep "it will be SO much better tomorrow," only to wake up to find it much, much worse. ugh. despite this, i'm not going to give up.  as soon as i can, i'm going to get right back to the program, even if it means repeating some steps.  i didn't expect to be this passionate about something so early into it, but i feel like this is something i HAVE to finish. i've given myself fitness goals before, and i always get bored, or it gets too tough, and i fail.  this time, i won't fail, no matter how many setbacks i face.

(someone remind me i said that when i'm inevitably bitching about this in a few weeks, ok?)