i've had a love-hate relationship with this wedding, but mostly, i've had a love-hate relationship with my dress. of course, my initial feelings when i purchased it were of love (i even did that whole crying thing), but when it came in, things had changed.
it fit strangely - like, it was beyond uncomfortable....the neckline wasn't exactly how i remembered it either, but i do recall being told how easily changes could be made to it, so i didn't freak out so much about that..... but still, i felt strange in it. not like a bride at all, but more like a very short person shoved into a very tall person's very fancy dress - the top of it fit around me like i was a turtle desperately trying to get my head and arms back into my shell....it was, for lack of a better word, ODD, and each time i put on the dress, i would cry. it was a less than ideal way to feel in the dress that is supposed to be the MOST important dress you ever wear in your life, and frankly, since it came in all those weeks ago, i've been petrified. don't get me wrong - i'm a realist - i know that it is a very rare thing (in fact, it probably never happens) for a wedding gown to come in and fit the way it should - i just personally felt that the issues with mine were just so numerous - it was disappointing.
mom and i initially took the dress to a seamstress in memphis who came highly recommended. from the time the dress came in and i tried it on in the store, up until the day of this appointment, i'd come up with changes i could make to the dress to make it more comfortable and bearable for me - i'd given myself pep talks, my mom had given me pep talks, my friends had given me pep talks - i was pep talked out - so by the time i walked through her door, i felt sure that this seamstress would not only think i was crazy for being so upset, but that she would wave some sort of magic wand, and make my dress fit more properly and make me feel like i'm a bride.....or at least calm my fears.
i was totally wrong.
if i regret anything during this entire wedding process, it would be the decision to go to this seamstress. while i'm sure she is a fabulously talented lady (and i hope for my mom's sake that she is, since she is currently hemming her mother of the bride dress), the negativity i experienced in her shop was emotionally crippling. nothing is more terrible than all but insulting a bride standing in front of you at what is probably the most sensitive point in her life, and then telling her that not only do you not approve of the changes she has asked you to make, but that they absolutely CAN'T be done. i stood there in that store, in my wedding dress, with this woman cutting off everything i had to say before i would even get complete thoughts out of my mouth, and i just started to cry. when i tried to tell her what things about the dress were making me uncomfortable, she would just dismiss my concerns, tell me the dress was made to be that way, and that "any problem is NOT the dress. it's YOU"......and then i started to panic. and then i started to not be able to breathe...and then i couldn't get out of the dress fast enough (imagine carrie bradshaw, when she and miranda went to just jokingly try on wedding dresses, and just the sheer act of having one on made her break out in hives and have a panic attack...how she screamed "JUST GET IT OFF OF ME"....yeah...that was me) If my mom hadn't been in the dressing room next to me, i probably would have had a bridezilla freak out of epic proportions, but instead i just accepted that what this woman was telling me was the last word on alterations for this dress, put my clothing back on, and sucked it up to the best of my ability. mom and i decided that we would try the fitting again some other time, maybe when i wasn't so emotional, and we packed my dress up and left - with no alterations to my dress - but i was severely emotionally altered.
i can't begin to even describe how defeated i felt leaving that store. besides the fact that i truly believe that any time a girl puts on her wedding gown - even if it is only for a fitting - she should feel like the most beautiful creature on earth for that few minutes, and i felt anything BUT that, there was also the added sting of this woman squashing the dreams of the changes i wanted to make to my dress by not only telling me that they couldn't be done, but that they SHOULDN'T be done. i not only hated this woman for being that way, but i also had begun to secretly hate my dress. i cried so hard in the car that mom even offered to go buy me a new dress, if it is what would make me happy....
my mother, being the incredible voice of reason that she is, first listened to me bitch, moan and cry, and then suggested to me that instead of accepting what this woman said, that i should look elsewhere, and see what other people could come up with, or what suggestions they could offer...
i've been a ball of anxiety about the dress since the trip to the seamstress in memphis...in fact, just a couple of weeks after the incident, i was in nashville and actually almost talked myself into buying another dress i'd seen in a window - i think over that weekend i said "I HATE MY WEDDING DRESS" at least 50 times....when i got back home, i called the store where i purchased my dress here to get a recommendation for a seamstress in the little rock area, and i called to make my appointment.....i knew the woman must be good when she told me she was booking 3 weeks out.....nobody who is mediocre is THAT in demand....but of course, i still had my doubts.
today was my first appointment with her. on the drive there, i swear to you i felt like i was going to throw up. i was mentally prepared to walk in, put on the dress, and have a similar experience to the memphis one, and this time i was all alone, so i was especially nervous about how severe my reaction would be.
to tell you that the appointment was a pleasant surprise is very much an understatement. some kind of calm washed over me the second i walked into her shop, and all the negative bullshit i'd carried with me to the front door just dissolved.
she was incredible. just one of the nicest people i've ever met, and i didn't feel uneasy or uncomfortable the entire time i was there. i put on my dress, and all the flaws that i saw, she saw as well, but she would assure me that they could be changed, and told me exactly how they could be fixed - she told me things about my dress i would have never thought about like the best way to get the zipper up and down so that it sits more correctly on my body, or that something as simple as tugging on the satin lining after i get it on can pull the whole bodice right into place. not only was she very receptive to the changes i wanted to make, she made them sound easy, and the things she came up with are exactly what i'd envisioned, but never been able to verbalize. she was encouraging and positive, and chatty enough that i forgot for a second that i'd just met this woman. i think in the 40 minutes i was there, i called her a genius at least half a dozen times. she probably thinks i'm insane, but i'm sure if she'd known exactly what i'd been through previously she would have understood. this woman is my new hero.
for the first time in this whole process with my dress, i stood there in that room, stared in the mirror, and felt like a real bride. i could finally picture myself walking down the aisle, and being EXCITED about it. since the first fitting in memphis up until today, i've resigned myself to feeling uncomfortable and unhappy on my wedding day in an odd fitting dress, but now i know that i'm getting exactly what i wanted, and i'm going to love my dress as much as a girl getting married should. i've always known - since the day that i tried on the sample and ordered my dress - that this was, without a doubt, MY wedding dress. i'm only sad that my recent relationship with it has been so awkward, strange, and laced with doubt....i know now that everything is going to work out just fine.
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