deployment

so on april fool's day this year, gene came home from work and asked "what would you do if i told you i was being deployed"?  - since it was april fool's day and all, i didn't believe him, but once i realized that he didn't even realize that it was april fool's day, and that he wasn't backing down off of what he had said,  i had no choice BUT to believe him.  Every day since then has just been this awful countdown in my head leading up to the day he was going to leave - that day just was yesterday.

the last week has been really emotional - every time someone would bring it up in conversation, i would have to stop myself from crying - and the last couple of days before he left, i seriously counted every single hour that we had left and i really couldn't even sleep.  

it was really awful taking him to the airport and having to walk away from him knowing that it would be the last time i would see him or got to hug or touch him for six months. its so strange to know that he's going to be halfway around the world from me, and there's nothing i can do about it -  he's assured me that where he is going is very safe, and that he'll come home in one piece, but it doesn't change the fact that i'm going to carry around this uneasy feeling until he's back home. 

in the last 2 years, there's rarely been a day that we haven't seen each other.  now, there's going to be 180 days when i don't see him, and while i'll be able to talk to him frequently, i'm sure there will be some days that go by that i don't get to.  i'm trying to stay as positive as i can - after all, there are people who get deployed for much, much longer and to much more dangerous areas, but its really hard to not feel incredibly selfish and sad about him being gone.  Even though i have a great support system here, it still feels like i'm alone, because my very best friend in the world - the person i love more than anything - has been shipped off to another country far, far away from me. 

i've tried to remember that six months in the grand scheme of things isn't THAT long - i've reminded myself that it was 3 months ago that he told me he'd be leaving, and how quickly that time has flown by.  i'm just looking forward to the days getting easier, and to time passing quickly.....and im glad that i have this wedding to plan to distract me and to keep some "happy" going on.....

please keep my future husband in your thoughts....